Gromit's Lost Diary
by Harry's Girl 01031992
Summary: Gromit kept a diary during The Curse of the WereRabbit movie. What thoughts will we uncover in this secret diary? Find out in this fic!
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own W&G…

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Date: 9/15/05

Dear Diary,

It's only five days 'til the veg competition and my prize melon is HUGE! I'm serious! It weighs like 20 kilos!

In my previous journals, I've been telling you about Wallace's diet. Today while I was pruning my melon, the mouse trap I set in the cheese jar snapped on Wallace's hand, and boy, was it red! It was like his hand was a super white sheet and someone spilled pomegranate juice on it.

Well, I shall write in you later. I've been called on Anti-Pesto duty to rid someone's rabbit problem.

Cheerio!

-Gromit


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I don't own W&G...**

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9/15/05... 8:30 pm

Dear Diary,

When I last left off, I told you I was called on Anti-Pesto duty. Well, it turns out we were called to the house of none other than… LADY CAMPANULA TOTTINGTON! Yes! _The_ Lady Tottington. There was a huge rabbit infestation in her yard. It was like there was a rabbit bomb and it went off in her yard. We showed up just in time with Wallace's invention, the Bun-Vac 6000. It's like a vacuum cleaner and it sucks up rabbits to prevent further infestations. We even sucked up this weird guy named Victor Quartermaine whose toupee was sucked up in the machine through a whole. He apparently hates rabbits 'cause he was about to shoot one before we turned the Bun-Vac on. And apparently he likes Lady Tottington 'cause he had a bouquet of roses for her. Oh yeah, his dog, Phillip, is one of the ugliest dogs I've ever seen. And who names their dog Phillip? Anyway, Lady Tottington says our idea of humanely getting rid of rabbits is genius. I have a feeling that there's some romantic tension between her and Wallace.

Got to go! Wallace is going to manipulate the minds of the bunnies with the Mind-Manipulation-o-matic and I need to help him.

Until tomorrow,

Gromit.

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_End of chapter... What did you think? Was it good? Bad? Ugly? Review please!_


	3. Chapter 3

9/16/05…Morning

Dear Diary,

Last night I told you about Wallace using the Mind-Manipulation-o-matic to change the minds of the rabbits we caught during Anti-Pesto duty. Okay, we connected the Bun-Vac to the M.M.o.M. so we could transfer Wallace's veg-free mind waves to the bunnies. It worked at first, but Wallace's foot slipped and switched the Bun-Vac control from suck to blow, thus causing a rabbit to fuse to his head. I broke the vat between the rabbit and Wallace off just in time so he wouldn't be seriously injured. We tested to see if that rabbit didn't like veg anymore and it worked! We named that rabbit "Hutch". And that very night, some of the village's veg crops were eaten mysteriously and now we're being blamed for not being there when it happened.

I'm in the church right now and we're having a town meeting about the incident. The police man, PC McIntosh says it was arson, but just now, the Vicar came wheeling in right now saying that the thing that committed this horrendous crime was a Were-Rabbit. Oh, joy! Oh, rapture! (You do know I'm writing this with sarcasm dripping down my pen, right?) Victor Quartermaine just came in and said that a creature of flesh and blood easily dealt with a hunter didn't do this horrendous crime. Lady Tottington is now saying that we, Anti-Pesto, should get a second chance. Oh great… Wallace just said we should catch this huge rabbit with a huge trap… Wait a second… now the townspeople think this idea is a wonderful idea.

Well, I have to go… we must set up the huge trap for the Were-Rabbit; this is going to be very interesting.

Cheerio!

-Gromit


	4. Chapter 4

September 16th 2005, 10:30 pm

Dear Diary,

I am sitting in the car right now and it's rather boring. In my last entry, I told you about making a giant trap for the Were-Rabbit. Well, we made a huge lady rabbit and I had to be a puppet for it, meaning Wallace drove the car and I had to sit in the back and make the huge puppet thing move. I just did a basic walk at first but Wallace said, "Come on, Gromit! Make it well… more alluring." Then I had to do a kick line and make the thing wink. Wallace didn't know that we were coming up to a short tunnel. I tried to tell him to stop but he just kept on goin'… The decoy got caught on the roof of the tunnel and Wallace has gone back to get it. And now here I am, sitting in the car, listening to music, knitting, and writing in you... HOLY CRUMPETS!!! The light up sign for the Fruit 'n' Veg store just came crashing down on the car! SWEET MOTHER OF PEARL!!! A huge rabbit just went gallivanting down the street. I'll have to write in you tomorrow morning and tell you what happened. I must drive off! I hope Wallace doesn't yell at me for driving off without him.

-Gromit

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_What did you guys think about this chapter? Was it good? Horrible? Review, please!!!_

_-Harry's Girl 01031992_

_"Beware the moon!" _

_-The Vicar from "Curse of the Were-Rabbit"_


	5. Chapter 5

September 17th 2005, morning

Dear Diary,

I was about to chase after a huge rabbit before I left off. I shall tell you the details.

Okay, so I saw the rabbit and drove after it. I chased after it for about ten minutes and then I finally lassoed it. It was going under some gardens, so I had to put the windshields on to "Heavy Loam". The creature pulled and pulled and sucked the vegetables out of the gardens like a vacuum sucking up dust. There were carrot heads and left over lettuce leafs galore on my windshield, and there was even a broken lawn gnome! The chase took all night but the rabbit got away. I drove out of the ground this morning and the Anti-Pesto hotlines were ringing off the hook with angry customers.

Wallace got mad at me for driving off without him and said "We were supposed to be a team. We can't be a team if you go wandering off all the time!" I noticed a trail of muddy rabbit foot prints leading towards the basement, so I followed them. Wallace followed me and we saw that the foot prints led to Hutch's cage. Hutch is the beast. Apparently the experiment with the M.M.o.M. over stimulated his primitive bunny nature and whenever the moon appears, Hutch becomes a veg-ravaging rabbit monster. Wallace said this news was fantastic and he went to telephone Lady Tottington. He left me to build a cage for Hutch and I did just that. I just got done building it and I'm going up to my room to take a nap. Hold on. I just closed the door to the basement and the foot prints are leading upstairs. Now they're forming into people foot prints. And they're leading in to Wallace's room! Oh no… I have a bad feeling about this… HOLY WENSLEYDALE CHEESE! There's a huge pile of vegetable carnage in Wallace's room… I have a bad feeling… and it's not the Wensleydale cheese I ate last night.

I shall write in you later… I need to lay down…

-Gromit

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_What'd you guys think about this chappie? Was it good? Horrible? Let me know in your reviews!_

_-Harry's Girl 01031992 _

_"It's off to bunny heaven for you, Big Ears!"_

_-Victor Quartermaine, a.k.a. The Insensitive Rabbit Killer, in "Curse of the Were-Rabbit"_


	6. Chapter 6

September 17th, 2005—about 11:00 pm.

Dear Diary,

I am still in shock from what happened tonight… I should probably start what happened after I left off…

Okay, Wallace went to Lady Tottington's house to tell her that we "captured" the beast. I drove there and when I got there, he and Lady Tottington were in her garden on top of her house. I climbed up a ladder that led to her roof. There was an open window, so I poked my head in there to see what was happening. Lady Tottington was showing Wallace her vegetables. When he saw them, he was showing rabbit like behavior. One time he started hopping when he said, "It's a veritable…" Hop. "…Vegetable…" Hop. "…Paradise." I tried to catch his attention by throwing a tomato at him, but with my aim, being rubbish, I missed. Then Lady Tottington pulled out this HUGE (!!!!!) carrot. Wallace's eyes got big as inflatable dinner plates that were about to explode. I noticed some shower heads above Lady Tottington and Wallace, so I took a stalk of asparagus and I miraculously hit the faucets to turn the water on. He was about to take a bite out of the carrot when the showers started pouring, so I ruined his chance. GO ME!!! Anyway, we were driving home and Wallace was complaining at me for ruining his "fashionable knitwear, not to mention a relationship with an important client," when I saw that we had to take a detour home. I took a sharp turn into the forest, and through the trees, I saw the sun was setting so I sped up until we were stopped by a fallen tree-trunk. Wallace got out of the car to try to lift the tree out of the way. I looked at the trunk and I saw that the tree hadn't fallen naturally. Then I saw in the mirror, a billowy fabric of some sort. All of a sudden, an axe flew at the fallen tree and I knew who had done this… Victor Quartermaine. His dog Phillip jumped up at the car window and barked fiercely.

"I know your little secret, Pesto." Victor said to Wallace. "You think you can con an innocent woman out of her fortune." And he went on and on. Wallace tried to go, but his suspenders were axed to the tree and he sprung back. Victor wanted to fight so he started saying, "Come on now, Queensbury rules," and put his fists up. Wallace raised his fists up but then they started shaking. "Ha!" Victor cried triumphantly. "You're shaking. Don't think acting like a big girl's blouse will get you out of it." Then I saw something that made me gasp. Wallace hurled Victor on to the car. Wallace's teeth suddenly doubled in size and became bucked. "What the?" Victor said. Wallace's palms then grew furry, his feet grew, which made his shoes burst, he grew and became hunched over; his ears sprouted up to form rabbit ears, his nose became like a rabbit's, and a fluffy tail grew. As he expanded in size, the buttons on his shirt went flying at Victor and hit him. His clothes ripped off and his underpants landed on Victor's face. I locked the door since Phillip was scratching at the windows. Now I looked out the front window. Wallace had turned into a were-rabbit. He roared, which caused Victor's toupee to fly off. Wallace then let out a great howl and beat his chest, which made other rabbits in the other area do the same thing. Wallace then beat his feet against the ground and then sniffed the air for vegetables. Apparently he found them because he ran off. Victor looked at me with an evil look and then straightened his toupee. I drove off so fast so I could chase after Wallace, thus causing Victor (and his toupee) to fall off the car, leaving him with a frightened Phillip.

I'm at home right now freaking out about it. I should probably go to bed right now since it's like midnight. I shall write in you tomorrow.

-Gromit.

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_How'd you guys like this chapter? I thought I did a rather good job. Review and I shall give out Victor Quartermaine punching bags with realistic "Ow's" and "That hurt's". Happy Reviewing!_

_-Harry's Girl 01031992_


	7. Chapter 7

September 18th, 2005--- about 5:30 pm

Dear Diary,

The veg competition is tonight and I'm apprehensive. Not because I'm entering my melon in the competition. It's because I'm afraid that Wallace will eat all of the vegetables. I should probably start where I left off…

Okay… This morning, I woke up with a heavy feeling in my stomach… I knew the truth and I couldn't change it… When Wallace's breakfast light started buzzing and flashing, I hesitantly pulled the lever and a bunch of vegetable carnage came pouring out the hole in the ceiling along with Wallace. The automatic dressing machine dressed Wallace and when his head poked through the top of his shirt, he still had the rabbit ears from last night. I stared at his rabbit ears nervously and in response, he said, "What's up, dog?" in a Bugs-Bunny like manner. He thought these ears were a result from the veg diet. I took the newspaper which had a picture of Wallace in Were-Rabbit form and pointed my finger at the picture then at him.

"You think I'm the beast?" Wallace said. "Because of these?" He said, referring to his ears. "Next thing I know, you'll be saying is that Hutch is turning into me." Then I realized what had happened. I took Wallace down to the basement where I then opened the cage that Hutch was in, showing Wallace how Hutch had acquired some of his personalities as in his love of cheese.

Later today, Wallace tried to fix the Mind Manipulation O Matic, but he realized that his brain had been turned into a "rabbity mush". Hutch then started fixing the M.M.o.M, thus being an advantage to this personality switch. Then the doorbell rang. Hutch then walked up the stairs and we rushed after him. He answered the door and the person at the door was Lady Tottington. When Hutch opened the door, he said "Geronimo!" I handed a hat to Wallace as he snatched Hutch. "Hang on a mo'." Wallace said. We zipped Hutch in a jacket so he would keep quiet.

Lady Tottington had told Wallace (with tears in her eyes) that she was going to let Victor Quartermaine shoot the beast. "Shoot it?" Wallace asked with a nervous gulp, knowing he was in grave danger.

"Yes," she replied. "It wasn't an easy choice, but the veg competition has to come first." She said she "recently developed feelings for Wallace" and there was "so much she needed to say." Just then, Wallace's palms grew furry and he quickly hid them behind his back. She continued. "It will be quick and painless." Wallace's shoes burst and teeth grew as he said, "It's not very convenient at the moment." She wanted to shake hands or part as friends, but it was too late, Wallace's transformation was taking place. He unintentionally slammed the door in Lady Tottington's face and when he was in the middle of the transformation, he blew a raspberry at her through the window and she walked back to Tottington Hall with tears in her eyes. Wallace's final steps in the transformation were taking place when Victor Quartermaine started banging down the door, so I dragged Wallace on a carpet, but my plan was interrupted when Wallace finally transformed and didn't fit through the door. He started ravaging through the fridge so I decided to get in the female Were-Rabbit suit so I could distract him and clearly in lust, he pinched me in the tail and kissed up my arm like Gomez Addams so I slapped him. He snorted in delight. I spotted a bouncy ball so I took it and hopped so Wallace wouldn't be shot by Victor. Wallace got away and I wasn't harmed, but Victor shot the decoy in the butt. Victor unmasked me and put me in a cage where I am now trapped. This has been one heck of a week… I don't know how I'm gonna get out of this mess… Wait a tic… I just got a brilliant idea! I must write in you later!

-Gromit

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_What'd you guys think of this chapter? Was it any good or was it just a pile of rubbish? Let me know in your reviews!_

_-Harry's Girl 01031992_

_"Awww... the bounce has gone from his bungee!"-Hutch, Curse of the Were-Rabbit_


	8. Chapter 8

September 18th, 2005 about 10 pm.

Tonight… I experienced a myriad of emotions: Sadness, determination, happiness, and annoyance. I should probably start from where I left off.

As you know, I was sitting in a cage on account of that slime ball Victor Quartermaine. Just as I was about to give up, a beacon of light shone from above… literally! It was Hutch sitting in Wallace's room exclaiming random names of cheeses. That gave me a brilliant beyond brilliant idea. I took the handle of a broken shovel that I tried to use to escape and threw it at a pest detecting lawn gnome. The next thing I knew, Hutch was driving crazily in reverse which broke the cage.

"Job well done, lad!" Hutch said in a Wallace like manner as he laughed like him. As I dusted myself off, I got another brilliant beyond brilliant idea, but it required a great sacrifice. I went to the green-house to get my melon so it could attract the Were-Rabbit once I and Hutch got to the veg competition. I took a hatchet and cut the melon off of the vine. Hutch and I got into the car and drove to the veg competition and I tied up my precious melon as Hutch randomly said things that Wallace said. Once we got to the veg competition, I tied up the melon to the back of the car. Then, a huge mound started going towards the judging area where the competition was taking place, which meant that the were-rabbit sensed the vegetables. I gestured at Hutch to start driving once I saw the townspeople freaking out about Mrs. Mulch running away from the Were-Rabbit; people kept on saying "COME BACK! GO AWAY!" Just as Victor was about to shoot the Were-Rabbit, I zoomed past on the melon which made the were-rabbit chase after the melon. Wallace burst out of the ground and started chasing after the car. Then he stopped. He saw Quartermaine tug-o-war-ing over the Golden Carrot award with Lady Tottington which made Wallace conk Quartermaine over the head which made his toupee look like a furry toilet seat. Wallace took Lady Tottington and people started selling gardening supplies as angry mob supplies. This turned the situation into something you'd see on King Kong. Yes, Wallace leapt onto the roof and beat his chest, which made the other rabbits in the area do the same thing. Okay… back to me. Hutch, being the doofus he is, didn't look where he was driving while I was surfing on the melon. He crashed into the cheese tent which made me go flying face first into my melon. There I saw my prized melon… squished to a pulp. I then decided I couldn't worry about that right then. My master's life was at stake. As I was running out of the tent, I ran in to PHILLIP, THE UGLIEST DOG EVER! He randomly barked at me and I ran to the airplane ride, there I put in the coins, took off the child limiter and revved out of there. Then I saw Wallace on the roof running away from Quartermaine. I chased after them both, but little did I know, Phillip was behind me in a plane that looked just like the Red Baron's. He rammed up against me until he supposedly crashed and burned on the ground, but he held on and almost attacked me when I least expected it. He swung the shovel he was holding at me and we were going at it until the plane stopped, meaning we needed to deposit more coins. I looked through my pockets and only got a few buttons and a piece of lint. Phillip made me hold his weapon and took out a coin purse with a flower on it, took out some coins and went back to fighting. I finally used the bomb doors and Phillip popped a bouncy Tottington Hall that was just below us. I finally caught up to Wallace who was on a tower. I ran into Victor Quartermaine which made his pants catch on to a weathervane and expose his rear end.

"Beware the moon!" The vicar shouted, referring to Victor's unusually pale rear end. I kept flying to get to Wallace, but when I got there, Victor had already pulled up his pants and aimed his gun at Wallace and said "Eat karat, bunny boy," Referring to the golden carrot. He shot and I sped up that I actually started flying. It was sort of like something you would see in THE MATRIX. There were actually energy waves coming off from the carrot! Anyway, as I took off, I grabbed on to a rope that was conveniently nearby so my plane could be hit instead of Wallace. The makeshift bullet hit my plane and Victor threw his gun to the ground, jumped on it, and said "AAARRRGH!!! POTTY POO!" I gave Wallace a high five. When I realized what I had done, I was hurdling toward the ground and Wallace grabbed on to the plane to cushion my fall. We crashed in to the cheese and cracker tent. When we landed, I heard Victor say, "No one defeats Victor Quartermaine." He was then knocked out and he fell into the cheese tent, too. He then fainted. Then I got another idea. I put him in the rabbit suit, zipped him up and sent him out into the mob that would chase him out of town. When I got back into the tent, Lady Tottington was there and we saw that Wallace was dead. He transformed back into a person and me, Lady Tottington, and a bunch of rabbits cried together. Then I suddenly got another idea when I saw Hutch eating some cheese. I grabbed a chunk from him and waved it under Wallace's nose. He then came back to life and we hugged each other. Lady Tottington and he were about to hug, but she saw he was naked, so I put a box over his nakedness that said "May contain nuts." I shall write in you later on account of over excitement and writer's cramp.

-Gromit


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: I don't own W&G!

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September 19th, 2005. Noon

Dear Diary,

I should probably fill you in on where I left off last night.

Okay, Lady Tottington said that my efforts were brilliant and she gave me the now-dented golden carrot for my "brave and splendid melon". She then said that it was going to be awfully lonely at Tottington hall. She then saw two rabbits kissing each other nose to nose and said she had "a little proposal" for Wallace.

We're at Tottington manor right now and Wallace is wearing his usual sweater-vest and tie and Lady Tottington is wearing a dress that looks like an ear of corn.

"I'm so glad that you decided to go through with this," Lady Tottington said. For a moment, it looked like she and Wallace were about to go in for a kiss, but Lady Tottington was unveiling her new sanctuary for rabbits, "a safe haven for all things fluffy." Rabbits just started clapping. Wallace is telling me to turn on the BV6000 and I'm doing that as I'm writing. A bunch of rabbits just came flying out of the ground. Now Wallace is telling me to give it a bit more welly. Now Hutch is flying out of the ground doing a little wave and exclaiming "CHEESE!"

Now, it is time for the celebratory lunch in honor of the new bunny sanctuary, and man, am I starving! Hopefully Wallace doesn't eat all of the cheese... or Hutch for that matter!

Cheerio!

-Gromit

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_Whew! This story is complete! I had a great time writing this story and I'm sure going to miss writing it! But fear not, W&G fans! There are more chapters of "The Miss Cheesy Pageant" to come! So expect some of them sometime soon!_

_-Harry's Girl 01031992_


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